Two New Angels

A month ago, I sent two angels back to heaven.

March 20, 2015, I had my scheduled check up wih my OB. I was 9 weeks and a day pregnant at that time. The week before that, I was put to complete bedrest due to some spotting and bleeding. I was really uncomfortable and uneasy then. Come the date of my check up, I was trying to be calm. I prayed that if the ultrasound will show no sign of life, I will have the courage to accept it.

TVS. No fetal heartbeat was detected. My OB wanted us to get a second opinion so she referred us to the hospital she's affiliated to get a bigger picture of the sonogram. She reminded me to let her know the result as soon as I get it and that we will see each other at the hospital in a few.

We rushed, got some ultrasound and the sonologist found two babies. I got excited! Unfortunately, he can't detect a single heartbeat. I can sense the hope and disappointment in his face. He keep on trying, waiting for the heartbeat, but there was none. I wanted to cry. But I tried to keep my composure. It was the fastest but longest minutes of my life. Fast because I can't believe that I lost them that easy. And long because it took me some time to realize that I am no longer pursuing the pregnancy.

My OB came, gave her the result and I saw how sad she was, especially after seeing that I was supposed to have twins. But we are all positive and my safety is our concern at the moment. Since the babies died inside, I have to undergo D&C to avoid complications and infections.

That same day, I was admitted and was scheduled for operation that afternoon.

It was heartbreaking, but I know that it was part of God's beautiful plan. It was meant to happen. My twins are meant to be my little angels in heaven. And no matter how painful it is, I have to be strong and accept what He has prepared for me. He has bigger plans than my dreams and I have faith that His will is much more than my heart's desire.